


Palindrome

by megealle



Category: Tenet (2020)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:40:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26659078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megealle/pseuds/megealle
Summary: What happened after the Tenet film, from Neil’s POV
Relationships: Neil/The Protagonist (Tenet)
Kudos: 28





	Palindrome

At 20  
Neil is just lounging at grade school orientation; he's torn between art history, or god forbidden like the rest of the family wants him to, politics.  
He’s 20 and has already finished his degree; everything just seems so easy, and so boring.  
The man choose that moment to appear at his side, "I hear physics is fun"  
Neil gives him a side glance: "How do you know, you are not even a student here"  
"You have very good observations", the man gives him a sly smile.  
Neil shrugs: "I'm many things, child prodigy, run tracks. But that's not the point here is it? No one at school have your kind of muscle mass, who the hell are you?""  
"You can call me P.T. and the point" the man continues like he's never been made, "is that physics is fun and it opens up new doors, some of them even leads to pretty exciting adventures."  
He looks at Neil straight on for a second, like he's just handed Neil a rare secret then begins to turn and walk away  
"Would you show me?" Neil hurries out then immediately regrets it, and hopes to god his pale skin wouldn't show he's blushed because it sounds awful like a proposition.  
"Finish this in 2 and we will see." the man nods to the master program banner behind him.  
Somewhere in the crowd someone made a noise and Neil turns to look, before he's turning back he knows, that the man has vanished like he’s never been here.

At 30  
They are saying goodbye. He’s going back 10 years to help the man who is saying goodbye to him right now. The world is titling on a turning point.  
"Must we do this…" Neil knows he shouldn't ask but he can't help himself.  
"Pincer movement remember? We have done this so many times. We only completed the first half of the mission and now I need you to carry the rest of it." P.T is somehow keeping it together and calm.  
"No, you know that's not what I meant..." Neil trails off, he has fought and argued and even begged. He knows perfectly well what is necessary, and what is not.  
"Why do you have to...you don't have to die too. It doesn’t have to be part of the plan"  
But P.T. stops him right there, just like he's done it a hundred times, "I have to, when your mission is succeeded, I'll clean up all traces of the Tenet; we can’t take any chances and risk the future finding out our plan. We need those 9 pieces of the algorism right then and there”  
“Then I will be the last loose end that needs to be tied up, and if I don't Ives there will find a way to do it anyway." P.T. looks over at Ives, who's waiting at the turning door. And Ives nods tightly back.  
Neil doesn't get why P.T. can make jokes right now, he can't do anything really; He feels numb and helpless.  
P.T. looks at him and takes hold of his arms, "It’s alright, just a small pill, and I told you it’s not my first time." P.T. even smiled. Neil feels like punching something. It must have shown on his face because P.T. tugs Neil slightly so he's hugging Neil properly now,  
"I've lived on borrowed time ever since that day you said goodbye to me, and I've lived this long only to make sure you go back safe and okay. Now with you gone my end is finished. It’s my decision." Neil is vaguely aware he's clinching P.T. but he can't afford to lose the warmth yet.  
P.T. sighs and the hot air glides over Neil's ear, "You know, you did this so much better than me."  
"What did I do?"  
"You said you known me for years and asked me to let you go, then you smiled at me and it was so beautiful I think I was stunned."  
Neil makes a small watery laugh, "Did you fall in love with me then, because I was beautiful."  
"No." P.T. replied in his usual nonchalant tone, "I love you because it's our destiny, and I will tell you what you told me then,"  
They are holding onto each other so tight that Neil's having trouble breathing, “It’s not the end my friend, find me and I'll see you at the beginning."

At 23  
The first time he pulled a trigger, P.T. fixed him a drink afterwards, vodka tonic, strong.  
"Never drink on the job, but after, you can have one"  
"What if I want something to drink during the job, like when I'm thirsty or sth." He knows he sounds like a petulant child but he feels the need to keep talking , if he stops the tears he's trying to hold in his eyes may just start to fall and he doesn’t want P.T. to see him cry, ever.  
P.T. gives him a weird look, then grabs a diet coke, "Try this, give you a buzz but won't impact your health."  
"Jesus, could you be more American." Neil gives a puffed laugh and shakes his head.  
"Well I'm as real as it gets." P.T. jokes lightly but Neil feels a hand on his shoulder.  
"It will get easier. Sometimes it's up to us to make the difficult..." P.T. pauses for a second, "…but necessary decision. You save lots of lives today, more than you know”  
Neil keeps hunching down on the chair, looking at the floor, after a moment the hand moves to the back of his neck and he leans into the warmth slightly. He feels better.

At 27  
Neil bought a lucky charm in a foreign market after one mission and as soon as P.T. laid eyes on the thing, it all went to shit.  
P.T. gets frantic every day trying to… Neil honestly doesn't know what he's trying to do.  
Tenet is growing stronger every day, they have stopped so many catastrophes that Neil has lost count.  
And two of them is a team that functions flawlessly, before P.T. says anything Neil's usually already there, done what P.T. hasn't yet asked him to do  
They are like a small loop, rotating around themselves, covering each other.  
So he doesn’t get why P.T.'s getting drunk after a meeting with Ives.  
P.T. never does anything excessively.  
He’s always in control, always calm. And Neil already freaks out when he overheard them shouting earlier at each other.  
"You know more than anyone else! That the past can't be changed!"  
"Well I got to try okay."  
"You did...and see where that got you! We can't leave anything to chances!"  
"Not everything yet."  
"You have to do what's has to be done! It’s a s...mission and..."  
"Enough! Just keep your end, Ives."  
After the argument he found P.T. in the office, drunk and looking suspiciously close to tears, and Neil starts to panic for real.  
"What's going on?", he crouches down before the man and trying to catch his eyes.  
"There’s nothing I can do…nothing...I've..." P.T. lost his voice for a second there, and Neil's heart is beating 120 per minute,  
"…I've tried for these many years and yet you still have to..." P.T.'s looking at him with so much sadness now, “What happened has happened"  
"Yes, like you've been teaching me all this time?" Neil smiles hesitantly at P.T. "So what’s wrong? Why Ives here? I thought he's running backup plans from afar?"  
"He is." and after a moment P.T says "I'm sorry." and it seems that's all he's going to offer that night, so Neil just hugs him tight and lets him cry on his shoulder for a bit.

At 24  
They are sprawling on a yacht, in the Caribbean Sea, just the two of them, between missions.  
On those few rare moments of peace, P.T. always takes him cruising. Neil asked him once why he knew Neil's fondness of the sea.  
P.T. tossed him an "I know everything" while sun bathing like a particular content cat, not even bothering to open his eyes.  
And Neil looked at him and realized an unequivocal truth: that there would be no one like P.T.  
He's focused, he's efficient, He's the best operative Neil has ever seen and he's never hesitated to put himself between Neil and harm's way.P.T. had saved him so many times that Neil’s given up keeping a record.  
He shown Neil a world which beyond his imaginations, they have accomplished stunt that Neil couldn’t even conjured up in a dream.  
And more than anything P.T. is someone who has given up everything to protect people, simply because he could, because he's able to, because he has faith, has tenet.  
And Neil knew without a single doubt that there wouldn’t be anyone else for him. No one could compete with that. And Neil loves him.  
So he leaned over, murmured “Not everything." and kissed P.T. and he got to enjoy for a split second the rare chance of seeing P.T. completely at a lost.  
But he recovered quickly and when he looked back at Neil, P.T.'s eyes were like brown amber melting under the sun with such warmth and he said: "Apparently not" and kissed Neil back.

At the beginning of the end  
When Neil gets the phone call his heart almost stopped, and he takes a drink, vodka and tonic, on the job,  
He’s waited for 10 years. He thinks he could make an exception this once.  
P.T. or the man is to becoming P.T. looks at him, evaluating and so professional.  
He’s focus efficiently packed into a great physical body. He’s stunning.  
Neil wonders if himself looks like he just seen a ghost.  
Then Neil realized he's barely seen P.T. at his prime. And this is his prime.  
Nothing has happened to him yet and everything is finished.  
But he hasn't changed; Neil's fallen in love with him in his future, in Neil’s past, it doesn't matter. What happened has already happened.  
Neil orders him a diet coke and swallows the lump in his throat and smiles, and goes to work.

At 26  
The sex is good, no it's brilliant. Neil can't tell what is more thrilling, the sex or the stuff they do every day to save the world.  
He’s absent-mindedly patting P.T., there are so many scars all over this body, there's one right under his rib cage when he took a reverse bullet.  
Every time Neil touches it he remembers how he franticly trying to get P.T. to the other side of the turning door, trying to stop the wound from getting worse.  
He almost lost P.T that day and he doesn’t want to relive that ever again  
"Am I getting soft?" Neil heard P.T. asking, distracting him like he always has done.  
"Nah, the edges are still all here”, Neil answers gamely," Are you fishing for compliments? I saw you kicking Ives's ass the other day at training. I bet you can bench press him if you want."  
"Ives might disagree with that." P.T.'s smile is so cheeky and Neil loves him so much in that moment.  
"I change my mind, you can try bench press me instead." Neil winks at P.T. from his strategical placed position by his hipbone.  
"God you are such a kid sometimes" P.T. rolls his eyes like he's suffered so much, but then in a blink of an eye, Neil finds himself flipped over and hold down, P.T.’s hot body pressing him so hard into the mattress. So Neil suspects he likes it anyway. And yes, the edges are all there all right.  
Neil relaxes back into the bed and extends all his limbs and even turns his neck to give P.T. better access to bite him. The night is young, he's going to enjoy as long as it lasts.

At the end of the beginning  
He didn’t understand lots of the decisions P.T. made when he's young but he thinks he understands them now, when he's saying goodbye and knowing that the last moment of him would be the beginning of them.  
He doesn't have many regrets, he would love more time with P.T. but if that's the price they pay for the whole world, he's okay with that.  
He’s not afraid neither. He knows P.T is waiting for him at the other side, in the far away past and near future.  
He remembers the first time he saw P.T. in that school yard, he remembers the first time they kissed. He remembers lot of things. So many exciting, extraordinary things and he’s happy to hold the memories of them so close to his heart. He wants P.T. to have that chance too.  
He smiles and tells P.T. to let him go, he doesn’t tell P.T. any other details.  
Yes, it's not the end, it's only the beginning, and he turns and walks to his destiny.

Now  
They are lying under the sun and drifting away on the sea, in the middle of nowhere.  
There’s no mission, no urgency, no catastrophe.  
It’s just them, right here, with each other. Time freezes kindly.  
What happened has already happened and what is going to come, Neil decides not to worry about it.  
He reaches over to P.T and P.T. reaches back, entwines their fingers, into the symbol of tenet.  
Time flows pass them and flows backwards, but they remind there, tucked into each other.  
Time doesn't matter.  
P.T. presses a kiss into his hair and Neil closes his eyes, it's enough, it's perfect.


End file.
